I found this interesting article on Babygaga.com about "parallel parenting" as opposed to co-parenting.  The jist of it is that parallel parenting is ideal in cases where the parents to a child engage in a more business like relationship when it comes to parenting.  Co-parenting is only possible when the two parents involved can communicate and work together on a mutually agreed upon parenting plan.  When communication and collaboration are not possible, parallel parenting is the next best thing.  Read more about parallel parenting here.  

A new article on Yahoo.com goes over 5 basic signs that mediation may not prove to be productive. 

Dr. Jann Blackstone says they are:
1. There’s So Much Animosity, You Can’t Talk to Each Other
2. There’s a History of Drug or Alcohol Abuse or Domestic Violence
3. There’s a Mental Health Issue
4. There’s No Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Custody
5. One—or Both—Parties Aren’t Willing to Put in the Time Needed to Sort Things Out

​For more details and information, click on the link.  In the State of Utah, parents seeking divorce are REQUIRED to attempt mediation unless they have a court exception.  Just because it might not be productive does not mean you can avoid it all together.  If you are looking for a mediator, reach out to us today and schedule your mediation.  

In support of using Mediation in Medicine, an abstract found on PubMed.gov (National Library of Medicine), Debra Gerardi says:

"Healthcare organizations must find ways for managing conflict and developing effective working relationships to create healthy work environments. The effects of unresolved conflict on clinical outcomes, staff retention, and the financial health of the organization lead to many unnecessary costs that divert resources from clinical care. The complexity of delivering critical care services makes conflict resolution difficult. Developing collaborative working relationships helps to manage conflict in complex environments. Working relationships are based on the ability to deal with differences. Dealing with differences requires skill development and techniques for balancing interests and communicating effectively. Techniques used by mediators are effective for resolving disputes and developing working relationships. With practice, these techniques are easily transferable to the clinical setting. Listening for understanding, reframing, elevating the definition of the problem, and forming clear agreements can foster working relationships, decrease the level of conflict, and create healthy work environments that benefit patients and professionals."

Mediation can be used as a tool to improve communication and resolve conflict and tension in any environment.  If you have a workplace issue, do not hesitate to contact us and find out how we can help.  

Digital Journal just posted an article called 'Mediation is the Secret to a Simple and Cost-Effective Divorce.  

Naturally, this may seem obvious, but may still be an under utilized option.  

In many cases the emotional and mental distress caused by divorce can cause parties to have tunnel vision and render them incapable of thinking through possible alternatives that are less-costly.  

"Anger and disappointments are common feelings in most divorce negotiation processes. In most cases, the involved parties have a hard time reaching agreement on divorce issues such as child custody, division of property, child support, and visitation issues among others. However, mediation often provides the divorcing spouses an opportunity to take control of their future lives by resolving the contentious issues without the necessity of litigation."

Read more: http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/4715373#ixzz6PeqffwL5

KSL.com recently posted an article about conflicts arising in families due to being home all the time with your family.  The author, Kim Giles, sites the two main reasons/fears associated with common conflicts are:

• The fear of failure (that I might not be good enough)
• the fear of loss (that I might be mistreated or lose something)

I have found that we all suffer from both these fears to some degree every day. But I've noticed each person also has one of these two core fears that is their primary bad behavior trigger. If a person ever behaves badly or starts a fight, it is usually their same core fear that has been triggered. I call this your dominant core fear.

She later recommends:

Do not talk down to others. See them as equal and talk to them with love and respect. Try to use "I" statements, not "you" statements. "You are making me feel unloved" is an attack; "I am feeling unloved" is the truth.
Talk about your fear issues and feelings, and ask if the other person might be willing to help you by changing some behavior moving forward. Focus totally on the future behavior you want to see, not past behavior that they cannot change.

These issues and changes in behavior can be discussed in a safe setting like mediation where an unbiased third party can facilitate communication and understanding.  

Law.com posted an article discussing how fortunate it is that the legal profession can thrive virtually as the many other industries are unable to adapt.  They focus a few paragraphs on Mediation specifically and how it is essentially the same as in-person:

The Zoom technology is remarkably easy to use. The virtual mediations I’ve done so far have involved participants covering the entire spectrum of computer prowess, and all have fared quite well. More importantly, the real engine of successful mediations–personal connections—hits on all eight cylinders in the virtual format. Following one recent virtual mediation of a significant injury case, the defense attorney told me how she was able to adjust her comments in the opening by reading the reaction of the plaintiff on the video. Just as with in-person mediations, the real-time feedback is there.
So, from the perspective of our clients, virtual mediations have been an unequivocal success. And I can also say that, from a mediator’s perspective, it is no less so. Success for mediators comes only when we can personally connect with the parties and counsel. A quote attributed to Teddy Roosevelt says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” At the mediation of any significant case, there comes a point when I am leading clients, step by step, to a place that, though necessary to get to, is tough terrain to traverse. If they don’t trust my judgment and motivation, they won’t take my hand. If you had asked me, even weeks ago, if this level of rapport could be established over a virtual medium, I would have said, “No way.” I was wrong. Happily, thankfully, mercifully, I was very wrong.

Done Medation plans to resume all mediations via videoconferencing using Zoom as mentioned in this article.  To schedule a mediation for yourself, contact us today. 

If you are concerned about the time it might take to mediate, your best course is to come PREPARED!  Bringing organized documentation pertaining to all of the issues to be mediated will streamline the process and keep your time and costs down.  

• bank statements
• bills
• paycheck stubs
• taxes
• asset valuations
• inventory of marital property
• titles, ownership papers
• retirement account statements
• life insurance policy info
• health insurance premium statements

Mediation is meant to be approached in good faith.  One party hiding assets, money, debt, etc could very well cause a breakdown of trust that could end negotiation on a dime.  

Today I mediated for 7 1/2 hours without a break.  I was the one mediating, so i can only assume that it must have felt several times longer for the parties involved as it was their lives that were being affected.  It would have been tragic to end mediation because the parties were exhausted by the process and not because they couldn't come to agreeable terms.  

If you are preparing to mediate a divorce, come prepared to discuss EVERYTHING and plan to spend the better part of the day FOCUSED on mediation.  Deadlines or events planned on the same day may distracting and put undue pressure on the process.  

Many people don't realize that Mediation is a course of action that is ALWAYS an option.  May times clients who are court-ordered to seek a resolution through mediation give up after the first attempt.  It is often the case that the real problem with finding a resolution is timing.  That means, if the same two parties were to attempt Mediation at a later time, the result could be remarkably different.  

It is always worthwhile to reconsider and make multiple attempts to mediate a dispute, even if you have previous failed attempts.  A mutual agreement is almost always better than a court-order for all parties involved.  If you're feeling DONE, take control and give mediation a try.  

Ongoing, regularly scheduled mediation sessions to address regularly occurring custody issues (extracurricular, holidays, etc.) is a great way to avoid high conflict interactions in uncontrolled environments and relieve anxiety and distrust when co-parenting.  

To book your next mediation session, click here.