Legalreader.com recently posted an article about getting divorced in the State of Utah. Many couples who show up at mediation are unaware of the process even when they have legal representation.  I encourage all parties in divorce to inform themselves of the process as best they can.  This is one of the major life events you will experience and it is important that you move about it with as much information as possible so you can make good decisions. 

This article details the basic steps in Utah Divorces:
1) Someone files for divorce
2) Petition, Answer & Counter
3) Waiting period
4) Attorney's fees
5) Parenting Plan & Custody Evaluation
6) Mediation
7) Discovery Process
8) Motions
9) Pre-trial Conference
10) Trial 

For detailed information about each step click on the image above to be directed to the article.  Understand that mediation may be listed as step 6, but it can actually be utilized at ANY step of divorce.  Mediation is a place where you can take the time to better understand one another and work together toward a mutually agreed upon resolution.  When couples mediate regularly, they learn to trust the process and their partner/co-parent. I cannot stress enough how useful mediation can be amidst conflict and how much happier participants are than when they leave their personal issues up to the courts.  

abc4 news recently posted a story about the necessity of custody orders for parents who are separating or divorced.  

 “In order to go to a trial, you have to go to mediation first anyway.” He added that doing this as soon as possible may end up saving couples time, money, and even help to maintain a cordial relationship between parents. “I tell people a lot, if you are already agreeing on almost everything, go to mediation right away before something happens.” 

Done Mediation strives to help parents develop clear and concise parenting plans that have enforceable measures to protect children as needed.  

The story also says:

Should the cordial relationship among parents sour in the future, the custody order may provide additional security if the police need to become involved. Felt further explained: “If there is no court document, most of the time the police can only say, ‘I’m sorry, there is no order, there is nothing I can do about this. You need to take it to the court.’” 

Conflict between parents arises when one or both parties feel that their needs or expectations are not being met by the other.  Often times these areas of conflict can be avoided in the first place by having well thought out and clearly defined parenting plans in custody orders.  

It is vitally important that co-parents discuss what type of interaction and dynamic they want to have as co-parents.  In cases of high-conflict, it is often in the best interests for all parties that there be very limited interaction and clear boundaries to assure the comfort and safety of those bound by that order.  

For help with developing or modifying a custody order or parenting plan, contact Done Mediation today or schedule a session of mediation now.  

An item of future conflict that is often overlooked when knee-deep in a divorce, is how both parties will address relationships with significant others in the future.  

The goal of mediation is to reduce the amount of conflict not only during divorce, but in a way that sets up a good foundation to avoid conflict in the future. 

This is a good article with a free worksheet for co-parents to use as a reference.  There is a lot to consider when it comes to when and how to introduce a new romantic partner to your co-parent and kids.  

Hello Divorce 

WKRN.com is reporting that more couples are in need of marriage counseling services during the pandemic.  The couples usually have unresolved issues in their relationship and due to having to spend 24 hours a day together, they can’t ignore those issues or avoid them.  If counseling during the pandemic is not possible for a couple, they recommend “Time outs” where individuals have time apart, even if they are in the same house.  Click on the image to see the report or read more on this topic.  

KSL.com recently posted an article about conflicts arising in families due to being home all the time with your family.  The author, Kim Giles, sites the two main reasons/fears associated with common conflicts are:

• The fear of failure (that I might not be good enough)
• the fear of loss (that I might be mistreated or lose something)

I have found that we all suffer from both these fears to some degree every day. But I've noticed each person also has one of these two core fears that is their primary bad behavior trigger. If a person ever behaves badly or starts a fight, it is usually their same core fear that has been triggered. I call this your dominant core fear.

She later recommends:

Do not talk down to others. See them as equal and talk to them with love and respect. Try to use "I" statements, not "you" statements. "You are making me feel unloved" is an attack; "I am feeling unloved" is the truth.
Talk about your fear issues and feelings, and ask if the other person might be willing to help you by changing some behavior moving forward. Focus totally on the future behavior you want to see, not past behavior that they cannot change.

These issues and changes in behavior can be discussed in a safe setting like mediation where an unbiased third party can facilitate communication and understanding.  

Law.com posted an article discussing how fortunate it is that the legal profession can thrive virtually as the many other industries are unable to adapt.  They focus a few paragraphs on Mediation specifically and how it is essentially the same as in-person:

The Zoom technology is remarkably easy to use. The virtual mediations I’ve done so far have involved participants covering the entire spectrum of computer prowess, and all have fared quite well. More importantly, the real engine of successful mediations–personal connections—hits on all eight cylinders in the virtual format. Following one recent virtual mediation of a significant injury case, the defense attorney told me how she was able to adjust her comments in the opening by reading the reaction of the plaintiff on the video. Just as with in-person mediations, the real-time feedback is there.
So, from the perspective of our clients, virtual mediations have been an unequivocal success. And I can also say that, from a mediator’s perspective, it is no less so. Success for mediators comes only when we can personally connect with the parties and counsel. A quote attributed to Teddy Roosevelt says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” At the mediation of any significant case, there comes a point when I am leading clients, step by step, to a place that, though necessary to get to, is tough terrain to traverse. If they don’t trust my judgment and motivation, they won’t take my hand. If you had asked me, even weeks ago, if this level of rapport could be established over a virtual medium, I would have said, “No way.” I was wrong. Happily, thankfully, mercifully, I was very wrong.

Done Medation plans to resume all mediations via videoconferencing using Zoom as mentioned in this article.  To schedule a mediation for yourself, contact us today. 

timminstoday.com posted an article recently that gave some helpful tips to divorced parents.  Click on the link above to read it for yourself.  They gave much of the same advice as other articles mentioned in this blog pertaining to COVID-19, but they bring up the idea of keeping on task with creating a “temporary” parenting plan and leaving the big issues for later in this way: 

Nail down off-limit conversations
After ensuring children’s physical safety is looked after, Stewart advises mapping out how to protect their emotional health. One way is to put all conversations that lead to heated arguments or stress on hold.
“We’re not going to talk about the future financial situation. We’re not going to talk about long-term custody arrangements,” Stewart said.
“We are going to deal with this short term. So there should be some conversations that are taken off the table until this is done. If you’re dealing with lawyers, put them at bay.”

The Taunton Gazette in New York wrote an insightful article about the sudden need for mediation and parenting plans amid the pandemic. ````````````````````With new orders everyday for people to isolate, quarantine or lock down, how will you and your children adapt?  

How will your custody change?
How do your views on how to address this align and conflict?
With job losses, how will child support change?

There are no shortage of questions to be worked through and unless you have an emergency order, most of these issues will not be resolved in a courtroom.  

Mediation can be a good route to developing a plan that works for everyone.  Putting your child(ren)’s needs first will ensure that they are less traumatized during this upset.  

Fill out a contact form today to book a mediation session where you can develop a COVID-19 parenting plan together. 

The Boston Herald recently posted an article called ‘Custody Issues in a Time of Coronavirus’.  A mother who works from home and has 3 school aged children is suddenly taking care of them full-time and asks their father to pay additional child support during this time as she cannot maintain full-time hours and is now caring for the children 24/7.  Author Wendy Hickey offers great legal advice on how to approach the conversation, prepare documentation, and the legal path forward.  

It seems this couple had a partial resolution for their parenting plan and failed to make it to the finish line.  A quick session of mediation might have helped fill in the gaps and relieve a lot of stress for everyone in the future.  

If you have questions about what the future holds during this pandemic, schedule a session of mediation today.